Kid Jokes Humor Riddles Knock Knock Jokes And Humorous Anecdotes
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Food Riddles #1
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A box of quackers.
Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the gambling casino? Because he was on a roll.
Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
What did the cannibal order for take-out? Pizza with everyone on it.
How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator? Footprints in the cheesecake.
What's in an astronaut's favorite sandwich? Launch meat.
What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? Close the door, I'm dressing!
Where does a bat eat his dinner? On home plate, and he has a ball.]]>Riddles #8
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Remove the "S".
Why is Turtle Wax so expensive? Because turtles have such tiny ears.
Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? He thought it was a high school!
If April showers bring May flowers then what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims!
What's in the middle of a jellyfish? A jellybutton.
What did Tarzan say when he heard the elephants coming? "Here come the elephants!"
Why did the parrot wear a raincoat? So he could be polyunsaturated.
What do mermaids have on toast? Mermerlade
Why do elephants never forget? Because nobody ever tells them anything
How do porcupines play leapfrog? Very carefully.]]>Riddles #7
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Put it on my bill.
Why did the chewing gum cross the road? It was stuck to the leg of a chicken !!!
What did the egg say to the other egg? Let's get cracking!
What do you say to a cow that crosses in front of your car? Mooo-ve over.
Why was the chicken afraid of the chicken? It was a chicken.
Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the Shell Station!
How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed? You bump your nose on the ceiling.
What would you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't work.
What pie can fly? A magpie.
What did Mickey say when Minnie asked if he was listening? I'm all ears!]]>Quips
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My eight-year-old daughter took one look at the car and indignantly proclaimed, "They spelled grandma wrong!"
Little Jimmy's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is?" Little Jimmy's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him. Little Jimmy replied: "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready!"
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long. "Because," my son explained, "they said it has to have at least four characters."
The summer band class was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The sixth-graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no more. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its fate. "Was it a bee?" another student asked. "Nope," Tommy replied. "Bee flat."]]>Sport Riddles #2
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For stealing the bases!
Why were the baseball players so hot & sweaty? Because their fans went away!
Why is Cinderella a poor basketball player? Because she had a pumpkin for a coach!
Why did the campers bring a baseball player with them? To pitch the tent!
Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback!
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? Because she ran away from the ball!
What kind of football player wears the biggest helmet? The one with the biggest head!
Why did the golfer take a spare pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
Why didn't the nose make the volleyball team? He didn't get picked!
What is the biggest diamond in the world? A baseball diamond!]]>Sport Riddles #1
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One knows his blows and the other blows his nose!
Did you hear about the marathon runner who worked as a chimney sweep? He was a great runner but suffered from Athlete's Soot!
Why are baseball stadium seats so cold? Because FANS sit in them!
Does it take longer to run from first base to second or second base to third? Second base to third because there is a shortstop!
What has 18 legs and catches flies? A baseball team!
What should you do when 19 guys are running at you? Throw the football!
What does a hunter do with a basketball? He shoots it!
Which baseball team also takes care of sick animals? The New York Vets!
Why are basketball players such messy eaters? Because they dribble!
What do a dog & a baseball player have in common? They both catch flies, chase strays, & run for home when they see the catcher! ]]>Under Water
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The man without the gear went down 20 more feet and the man with the gear followed.
They kept doing that until they were at the bottom. Now the man with the gear is confused, so he takes a waterproof chalk and board out of his bag and writes "How the heck can you stay down here without any gear?"
The man without the gear takes the eraser and then writes "I am drowning you moron!!!"]]>Greatest In The World
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Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.
"Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"
He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"
Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike Three!"
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world."]]>Knock Knock Jokes For Children #5
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Who's there? Police. Police who? Police let us in; it's cold out here.
Knock Knock! Doris. Doris, who? Doris locked, that's why I had to knock!
Knock Knock! Who's there? I love. I love who? I don't know, you tell me!
Knock Knock! Who's there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Normalee I don't go around knocking on doors, but do you want to buy a set of encyclopedias?
Knock Knock! Who's there? Tank. Tank who? You're welcome!
Knock Knock! Who's there? Wendy. Wendy Who? Wendy Red Red Robin Comes Bob Bob Bobbing' Along...
Knock Knock! Who's there? Yo momma. Yo momma, who? Yo mama that's yo momma who, open the door!
Knock Knock! Who's there? Mary Lee. Mary lee who? Mary Lee we roll along.
Knock Knock! Who's there? Goat. Goat who? Goat to the door and find out! ]]>Silly Cat Jokes
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Mice Crispies.
Why do cats like to hear other cats make noise? It's meow-sic to their ears!
Why do cats eat fur balls? Because they love a good gag!
Why does everyone love cats? They're purr-fect!
What do you call a cat who eats lemons? A sourpuss!
What do you call it when a cat bites? Catnip!
What's every cat's favorite song? Three Blind Mice!
What do you call it when a cat stops? A paws!
What do you call a cat when he first wakes up with the alarm clock? Catsup!